Strip Tease

I don’t understand this. How I could possibly like someone & not be able to stand them! I hate this. It’s so annoying. Like, I kinda wanna be over this guy, ‘cause I feel like I’m not getting all of what I deserve, but at the same time, I just can’t.

I feel like I may be stuck thinking about how great things use to be. Me and that nigga was A1 steak sauce at one point. Then shit went downhill. I dont know why, I really don’t.

I had never met anyone that I could hang around and everything that I worried about and stressed out about would escape my mind for the entire time we spent together. All I was able to focus on was how great of a time I was having. I couldn’t help it..

Now, I’m complaining about how he speak to me and how he says one thing and does another & any other thing he does to annoy me. But I’m still crazy about this guy. I just don’t understand! Sigh.

At this point, I don’t know what I should do, I really don’t.

I’m seriously so tired. Like, I really realized it today how sick and tired of everything I really am.

I’m tired of giving a damn about you people. Like, I care about a shit ton of people, and I get rapped up in their issues, or have to hear about their issues. I’m sick of it. Leave me out of this shit. And most times it’s people I really care about nshit. So I’m tryna be nice and help out or just be there and it’s causing me stress. I don’t need that shit bro.

I’m sick of holding in my feelings or stopping myself from letting niggas know how they really are. I seriously hold back so much because I’m scared of losing people or scaring someone away. Well, fuck y’all if you wanna dip. If you can’t handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.

I’m sick of claudio and richy arguing so much and I have to fucking hear about that shit. They need to talk to each other because they don’t know what the hell is going on. Y’all be thinking that y’all know what the other is thinking and you don’t. And I have to hear about that shit all the fucking time and I’m sick of it. I tryda help out and the shit is seriously useless. I don’t understand how people can’t put differences aside and talk like adults. We all have one goal. And that’s getting paper. Which leads me to my next point.

I’m sick of working my ass off at my job and they don’t pay me enough. All them girls make more than me and don’t do shit. The one hostess gets paid to practically do nothing. She gets paid to check the bathroom for an hour and to refill coffee cups. Shit is irritating dogg. And that place has brought me down a lot. There’s so much negativity in that building, it’s ridiculous. I’m sick of the rude customers that think they can talk to me how ever they want, the ones that wanna do the most and make my job so much harder than it needs to be.I’m sick of everyone not being treated equally and fairly. I’m just over everything about it.

I’m sick of every one telling me I need to go back to school or take my state boards test or asking me ” so what are you gonna do now? ” I don’t have money to go back to school, I have no idea what I wanna do. Wtf would I go back to school for? To waste more money? And I don’t wanna take state boards. I didn’t learn shit at school, I’m not good at doing hair, make up, or any of that crap. And I don’t know what I’m gonna do now, and quite frankly, it’s none of your got damn business. For now, I got this weak ass job so I can pay off my student loans from attending a school that I wasted my time at.

In sick of my mom. And how cheap she is. How dumb and weak she is. I just don’t get her, at all. I’m sorry, I can’t respect a person like her, I just can’t. Complains about having no money, but she spends it all on her boyfriend and wants to leave all the lights on in the house at night and all hat other stupid shit. Not to mention, spent time and money to get her masters degree and she ain’t doing shit with it. And all that women does is bitch and complain. Yeah, I’ve said enough about this subject.

I’m sick of what ever it is that me and this guy have. I really am trying to understand. Why do you like me? Why do you want me to stay? For what? You don’t even act like you like me. I really am confused. We don’t talk anymore, like converse. Even when I come over to have sex. We barely talk. What do you want out of this? I know you’re leaving soon, so what is your plan? Like, what is the point of all of this? You don’t want me to have sex with anyone else but you don’t wanna be together. And I’m not even talking boyfriend and girlfriend, I don’t care about them titles. They can fuck on. But you don’t show me shit. Since I told you I liked you, like verbally told you, you haven’t said or showed me shit. And I’ve stuck around this whole time. And I’m still sitting here trying to figure out why I even like you still.

I’m sick of trying so hard to be happy and enjoy my life. It’s not a horrible life, things could be worse, but I’m sick of having to try to enjoy life. No one should have to try,they should just be able to do it. I’m sick of stressing about shit that isn’t my problem, Im sick of stressing about money, I’m sick of stressing out about figuring out what I wanna do with my life. ‘cause I don’t know. And I don’t know how to figure it out. I don’t wanna be at this stage in my life anymore, I wanna know and I wanna go ahead with the steps in getting there.

I’m sick of over analyzing things, or not being able to turn my mind off, so I’m always thinking about all the things that stress me, and sometimes, it all keeps me up at night, or causes me to tear up during the day. I’m seriously over it. I just wanna be left alone for a little while too. I’m not gonna be as easy to reach as I use to be. I just need some time away from people and their shit.